your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
