I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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