I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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