I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
