I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
