I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
