One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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