Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
