I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
This is the high leading the old right now
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
