matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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