Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
