Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize