I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
