apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
