How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
