I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize