I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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