I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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