oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
