did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
