exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You're like the curious george of whores
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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