Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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