FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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