I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
