I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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