i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
