just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
