Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
