Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
