my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
