Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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