4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
