I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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