i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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