Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
