Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
