Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
