I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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