I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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