I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
