How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
