i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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