What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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