I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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