Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
How external is "for external use only"?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
