I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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