Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
