I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
