If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
