I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
