Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize