If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Are my feet made of real feet?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
