well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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