so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
