So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
