Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
