my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize