similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
