so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize