you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
