and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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