How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
