I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
