How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
