In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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