My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
