u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
