Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
