I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
