at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
