Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
